9: What was dating like when you dated? Do you think dating has changed with your children and do you think dating now is different than when you dated? Do you think you will date again?
I didn’t date much because I was interested in grandpa. So I don’t know much about the “dating game” when I was young. I do know that guys/gals did things in groups. And I think that is still the same. I’m sure that dating has changed. If the opportunity comes I may date - although I’m not sure I would call it “dating” I do miss the company of a man. It would be fun (but not yet) to have dinner or go to some event with guy.
10: What was love like in your relationship? Was it love at first sight or did love grow?
I think for me it was love at first sight and your grandpa always told me that he knew he wanted to marry me from the time I was a young girl. I didn’t quite understand that but that’s what he said. I suppose like a lot of married couples then and maybe even now it was mostly a physical relationship at the beginning but as time went on our love changed. It became the undercurrent of our lives - always there. We had fun and laughed a lot, worked hard, argued some, didn’t always understand each other and sometimes didn’t like each other but we loved each other always.
12: Now that grandpa is gone, how are you dealing with the separation? Do you think you are handling it well What is/has been the hardest thing to deal with?
I think I’m dealing with the separation well. I think that the fact that grandpa, as a truck driver, was gone for a week or two has helped. Also, since he was gone a lot, I was the one who took care of the finances. So I didn’t have to learn to balance a check book or pay the bills since I already knew how. Also I’m fortunate that I can live in this house as long as I want and that David and his family live so close to me. And I know that all my children care about me and “check in” every now and then. Another thing that has helped is that Sharon’s family has made me a part of their family. So many things I miss: having the outside light turned on when I come home at night; starting the truck when it was very cold so that it would be warm; his whistle; his giggle that only I heard; his “good morning”; his singing; his smile; so many things, but I what I miss most is feeling his arms around me.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Questions 7 & 8 & 11
7: What do you like about your role as a wife and a mother? What did you dislike?
I loved being a wife - I knew I was loved and I liked knowing I belonged to grandpa and he belonged to me. I don’t think there was anything about being a wife that I didn’t like. I enjoyed taking care of my kids when they were babies. It got harder because I was not a very good disciplinarian and so things were a bit chaotic at times. I enjoyed listening/talking with my children and still do. I didn’t like cooking or cleaning.
8: Because it’s typical that husbands take the lead in household, did you have a lot of say in your marriage or was it whatever he says, goes? Was it hard to stand back and have him take the lead, even when you didn’t agree? How did you handle that? 11: When there was a disagreement between you and grandpa. How id you two repair the hurt? Was there a time of thinking you didn’t want to be married anymore and if so, how did you go on?
When we were first married I was more than happy to let grandpa take the lead and don’t remember having a problem with it. But as I got older I developed an independent nature and sometimes grandpa and I were at odds about things. I discovered after we had been married for a long time that if I would just state my ideas and let him think about it for a while he was more willing to discuss. (I wish I had figured this out earlier in our marriage) As grandpa said I sometimes would run a subject into the ground ( and I know he tuned me out). He would
sometimes walk away from an disagreement because he thought it would turn into an big argument which is what he remembered from his childhood. But most of the time one of us would “give in” because the disagreement wasn’t worth continuing or important. There was never a time when I didn’t want to be married
I loved being a wife - I knew I was loved and I liked knowing I belonged to grandpa and he belonged to me. I don’t think there was anything about being a wife that I didn’t like. I enjoyed taking care of my kids when they were babies. It got harder because I was not a very good disciplinarian and so things were a bit chaotic at times. I enjoyed listening/talking with my children and still do. I didn’t like cooking or cleaning.
8: Because it’s typical that husbands take the lead in household, did you have a lot of say in your marriage or was it whatever he says, goes? Was it hard to stand back and have him take the lead, even when you didn’t agree? How did you handle that? 11: When there was a disagreement between you and grandpa. How id you two repair the hurt? Was there a time of thinking you didn’t want to be married anymore and if so, how did you go on?
When we were first married I was more than happy to let grandpa take the lead and don’t remember having a problem with it. But as I got older I developed an independent nature and sometimes grandpa and I were at odds about things. I discovered after we had been married for a long time that if I would just state my ideas and let him think about it for a while he was more willing to discuss. (I wish I had figured this out earlier in our marriage) As grandpa said I sometimes would run a subject into the ground ( and I know he tuned me out). He would
sometimes walk away from an disagreement because he thought it would turn into an big argument which is what he remembered from his childhood. But most of the time one of us would “give in” because the disagreement wasn’t worth continuing or important. There was never a time when I didn’t want to be married
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
6th question
6: When your children were growing up, did you let them explore and be open to ideas about their gender, society stereotypes, etc. or did you teach them how society viewed certain issues. For example, did you let your daughters play with cars in the dirt and did you let your sons play with dolls and play dress up or did you tell them that dolls and dresses are for females only and cars and dirt are for boys only.
When our children were young there was no reason to discuss gender ideas or society stereotypes because we were all comfortable with who we were and the subject didn’t come up (that I remember). We never told our kids that they couldn’t do something because they were female/male. In fact, the girls helped in the barn and with the livestock as well as the guys. Although there were some things that their dad didn’t ask them to do because they were girls. (they were happy about that) I think the reason the girls helped outside was because more hands were needed and that wasn’t the case in the house. Consequently the guys didn’t do too much in the house and they had their chores outside. I remember one time when your dad (Randy)was home from Fargo I asked him to help me with dishes because I had to go somewhere that evening - he looked at me and said “that’s women’s work” Boy, did that get me steamed so I retorted “ok, next time the cows get out, that’s men’s work”. I don’t know where he got that idea because I don’t remember either grandpa or me saying “that’s womens/mens work”. I don’t remember if he helped me or not. I also remember Barbara telling me that she was asked a similar question in a college class and she told them of the time that your dad was giving he a knuckle sandwich” (ask John what that is if you don’t know) quite often and I told her that since she and your dad (Randy) were the same size at the time she should “give it too him” and she did. Her class mates were surprise that her mother told her to beat up her brother. Barbara didn’t really like to help outside so she often would get a meal ready so that I could help outside since I would rather do that than cook. We all helped with baling hay and stacking it in the barn
When our children were young there was no reason to discuss gender ideas or society stereotypes because we were all comfortable with who we were and the subject didn’t come up (that I remember). We never told our kids that they couldn’t do something because they were female/male. In fact, the girls helped in the barn and with the livestock as well as the guys. Although there were some things that their dad didn’t ask them to do because they were girls. (they were happy about that) I think the reason the girls helped outside was because more hands were needed and that wasn’t the case in the house. Consequently the guys didn’t do too much in the house and they had their chores outside. I remember one time when your dad (Randy)was home from Fargo I asked him to help me with dishes because I had to go somewhere that evening - he looked at me and said “that’s women’s work” Boy, did that get me steamed so I retorted “ok, next time the cows get out, that’s men’s work”. I don’t know where he got that idea because I don’t remember either grandpa or me saying “that’s womens/mens work”. I don’t remember if he helped me or not. I also remember Barbara telling me that she was asked a similar question in a college class and she told them of the time that your dad was giving he a knuckle sandwich” (ask John what that is if you don’t know) quite often and I told her that since she and your dad (Randy) were the same size at the time she should “give it too him” and she did. Her class mates were surprise that her mother told her to beat up her brother. Barbara didn’t really like to help outside so she often would get a meal ready so that I could help outside since I would rather do that than cook. We all helped with baling hay and stacking it in the barn
Monday, February 16, 2009
Flowers from my sons
The flower shop in town delivered this pretty bouquet on valentines day from Randy and David
Sunday, February 15, 2009
A side trip from the questions and answers.
We had our mid winter classic chorale concert this afternoon. We did good!!! Besides the chorale we had The Northern Lights Quintet; Mary Hanninen played and sang a song she wrote; She and I played a piano duet; I played a piano solo, venturing out of my comfort zone by playing a jazzy piece; Walt and Anita Hannemann sang accompanying themselves on the guitar and violin; Mike Poole sang a solo; and the Pine Avenue Quartet (I accompany them) sang two numbers -Blue Moon and Unforgettable. This concert was the chorales "thank you" to St. Johns Lutheran church for letting us use their facilities for rehearsals and concerts. The free will offering went to their new pipe organ fund
questions 4 and 5
4: What were the women’s roles in society? What were men’s roles? Did you agree with these roles?
There weren’t too many options for women 50 years ago - yes, college but mostly for teaching, or the nursing field or maybe air line hostess (which I thought would be fun but I was too tall ) I think most women expected to become wives and mothers. It’s interesting, though, to read about women my age who have done unusual things. Men, I think, have always, been the ones who think they need to be in control, make the most money and their wives are the ones to clean, cook and take care of children. Fortunately this has changed and most younger husbands are more willing to help with cleaning, cooking and taking care of their children. When I was a young woman I pretty much agreed with this concept but I as I got older I changed my thoughts. When grandpa was home and after our children were grown he would get supper ready on the days that I was teaching. And as he got older he was more willing to help with things around the house when he could.
5: How did you and grandpa decide on how to raise your children? Was there a specific way you wanted to raise them? Did grandpa have a different view? If so, how did you agree on this?
We didn’t actually sit down and discuss how to raise our children. When we were young premarital counseling where those kind of questions were discussed didn’t exist. Since we both grew up in the same church
and town we had pretty much the same values. After we moved to Park Rapids and the children were in school we did agree that we wanted our kids to go to church with kids they knew in school. And that’s why we started going to Faith Baptist. And for the most part that worked out well. Discipline - grandpa was pretty much a “black and white” sort of person. If one of the kids was suppose to be home at, say, 11:00 he meant 11:00 not 11:05. Neither one of us was consistent though. I thought grandpa was too harsh and he thought I was too lenient. But our children turned out well and I see them saying and doing some of the things with their children that we did with ours.
There weren’t too many options for women 50 years ago - yes, college but mostly for teaching, or the nursing field or maybe air line hostess (which I thought would be fun but I was too tall ) I think most women expected to become wives and mothers. It’s interesting, though, to read about women my age who have done unusual things. Men, I think, have always, been the ones who think they need to be in control, make the most money and their wives are the ones to clean, cook and take care of children. Fortunately this has changed and most younger husbands are more willing to help with cleaning, cooking and taking care of their children. When I was a young woman I pretty much agreed with this concept but I as I got older I changed my thoughts. When grandpa was home and after our children were grown he would get supper ready on the days that I was teaching. And as he got older he was more willing to help with things around the house when he could.
5: How did you and grandpa decide on how to raise your children? Was there a specific way you wanted to raise them? Did grandpa have a different view? If so, how did you agree on this?
We didn’t actually sit down and discuss how to raise our children. When we were young premarital counseling where those kind of questions were discussed didn’t exist. Since we both grew up in the same church
and town we had pretty much the same values. After we moved to Park Rapids and the children were in school we did agree that we wanted our kids to go to church with kids they knew in school. And that’s why we started going to Faith Baptist. And for the most part that worked out well. Discipline - grandpa was pretty much a “black and white” sort of person. If one of the kids was suppose to be home at, say, 11:00 he meant 11:00 not 11:05. Neither one of us was consistent though. I thought grandpa was too harsh and he thought I was too lenient. But our children turned out well and I see them saying and doing some of the things with their children that we did with ours.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Questions 2 & 3
2: What did you look for in a lifetime partner?
50 some years ago most people met, fell in love, got married and didn’t consciously think about what they wanted in a lifetime partner.
3: In the 50’s, how were women viewed and men viewed?
I think for the most part women were viewed as homemakers and men were viewed as the head of the house and made the living for the family
50 some years ago most people met, fell in love, got married and didn’t consciously think about what they wanted in a lifetime partner.
3: In the 50’s, how were women viewed and men viewed?
I think for the most part women were viewed as homemakers and men were viewed as the head of the house and made the living for the family
Friday, February 13, 2009
1st question
1: At what age did you get married? What was it like to be dating/marryng a man that was 10 years older than you? Did your parents approve?
I noticed grandpa one Sunday shortly after he got home from the Army. He was so handsome in a brown pin striped suit. I think I fell in love with him then. When I was in high school we had a youth group that went to other churches in the area to share in their evening services. Something like the worship teams we have now in our churches. Actually I was not old enough to be in this group but was asked to go because I could play the piano. Grandpa was one of the guys with a car. A couple of friends of mine knew I was “smitten” with him so they made sure I was in the front seat in the middle. He told me later that he knew that he would marry me but at the time he figured that he shouldn’t push it and since I didn’t know this it was very painful to see him with other women. I remember one Sunday that he had “Dorothy” (one of the ladies he liked) in the car with him. He told me that he was taking her back to Mpls where she worked. Oh my, was I jealous! !. When we actually started dating I was in my junior year. Grandpa drove an ice cream truck (like Schwan’s) and when I walked home from school I so hoped I would see him coming in from his route. I loved being with him. I was 18 when we got married. My mother was not well during my high school days and dad was very busy with his business so I’m not sure that they paid much attention to what I did. I was always a “good” girl so they probably thought they had nothing to worry about. But I do know that they - mom especially - did not want me to marry grandpa. Mother very much wanted me to go to college because it was always something she wished she could have done. I thought about it but I knew that if I did go to college I probably would not marry grandpa. I never regretted my decision.
I noticed grandpa one Sunday shortly after he got home from the Army. He was so handsome in a brown pin striped suit. I think I fell in love with him then. When I was in high school we had a youth group that went to other churches in the area to share in their evening services. Something like the worship teams we have now in our churches. Actually I was not old enough to be in this group but was asked to go because I could play the piano. Grandpa was one of the guys with a car. A couple of friends of mine knew I was “smitten” with him so they made sure I was in the front seat in the middle. He told me later that he knew that he would marry me but at the time he figured that he shouldn’t push it and since I didn’t know this it was very painful to see him with other women. I remember one Sunday that he had “Dorothy” (one of the ladies he liked) in the car with him. He told me that he was taking her back to Mpls where she worked. Oh my, was I jealous! !. When we actually started dating I was in my junior year. Grandpa drove an ice cream truck (like Schwan’s) and when I walked home from school I so hoped I would see him coming in from his route. I loved being with him. I was 18 when we got married. My mother was not well during my high school days and dad was very busy with his business so I’m not sure that they paid much attention to what I did. I was always a “good” girl so they probably thought they had nothing to worry about. But I do know that they - mom especially - did not want me to marry grandpa. Mother very much wanted me to go to college because it was always something she wished she could have done. I thought about it but I knew that if I did go to college I probably would not marry grandpa. I never regretted my decision.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Questions
I've been feeling a little blue this week and didn't really know why because the dismal weather we've having lately doesn't usually bother me. I know why now: my granddaughter who goes to college in Portland, OR sent me a serious of questions she asked me to answer. It's for a class she is taking. I'll post the questions now and post my answers later. Maybe it will give you something to think about. Ok- here they are:
1: At what age did you get married? What was it like to be dating/marryng a man that was 10 years older than you? Did your parents approve?
2: What did you look for in a lifetime partner?
3: In the 50's how were women viewed and men viewed?
4; What were the women's roles in society? What were men's roles? Did you agree with these roles?
5: How did you and grandpa decide on how to raise your children? Was there a specific way you wanted to raise them? Did grandpa have a different view? If so, how did you agree on this?
6: When your children were growing up, did you let them explore and be open to ideas about their gender, society stereotypes, etc or did you teach them how society viewed certain issues. For example, did you let your daughters play with cars in the dirt and did you let your sons play with dolls and play dress up or did you tell them that dolls and dresses are for females only and cars and dirt are for boys only.
7: What do you like about your role as a wife and mother? What did you dislike?
8: Because it's typical that husbands take the lead in households, did you have a lot of say in your marriage or was it whatever he says, goes? Was it hard to stand back and have him take the lead, even when you didn't agree? How did you handle that?
9: What was dating like when you dated? Do you think dating has changed with your children? Do you think dating now is different than when you dated? Do you think you will date again?
10: What was love like in your relationship? Was it love at first sight or did you love grow?
11: when there was a disagreement between you and grandpa, how did you two repair the hurt? Was there a time of thinking you didn't want to be married anymore and if so, how did you go on?
12: Now that grandpa is gone, how are you dealing with the separation? Do you think you are handling it well? What is/has been the hardest thing to deal with since grandpa?
Brownie - feel free to lend your view on your dad and me
and anyone else can chime in, too
1: At what age did you get married? What was it like to be dating/marryng a man that was 10 years older than you? Did your parents approve?
2: What did you look for in a lifetime partner?
3: In the 50's how were women viewed and men viewed?
4; What were the women's roles in society? What were men's roles? Did you agree with these roles?
5: How did you and grandpa decide on how to raise your children? Was there a specific way you wanted to raise them? Did grandpa have a different view? If so, how did you agree on this?
6: When your children were growing up, did you let them explore and be open to ideas about their gender, society stereotypes, etc or did you teach them how society viewed certain issues. For example, did you let your daughters play with cars in the dirt and did you let your sons play with dolls and play dress up or did you tell them that dolls and dresses are for females only and cars and dirt are for boys only.
7: What do you like about your role as a wife and mother? What did you dislike?
8: Because it's typical that husbands take the lead in households, did you have a lot of say in your marriage or was it whatever he says, goes? Was it hard to stand back and have him take the lead, even when you didn't agree? How did you handle that?
9: What was dating like when you dated? Do you think dating has changed with your children? Do you think dating now is different than when you dated? Do you think you will date again?
10: What was love like in your relationship? Was it love at first sight or did you love grow?
11: when there was a disagreement between you and grandpa, how did you two repair the hurt? Was there a time of thinking you didn't want to be married anymore and if so, how did you go on?
12: Now that grandpa is gone, how are you dealing with the separation? Do you think you are handling it well? What is/has been the hardest thing to deal with since grandpa?
Brownie - feel free to lend your view on your dad and me
and anyone else can chime in, too
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